“Humankind is not troubled by things themselves but rather by their thoughts about them.” Epictetus

What is freedom?

At the core of my life’s work (uncaging peoples’ potential) is a commitment to a certain type of freedom. This freedom is quite distinct from the type typically described in the modern lexicon. This popular usage of the term refers to what I classify as Libertarian freedom, meaning the freedom to act. This is, indeed, an important type of freedom and one worth considering. However, I believe there is a much greater freedom available at the heart of the matter and that is Ontological Freedom, meaning the freedom to be. In this context of freedom, we gain access to being cause in the matter of our lives rather than being used by the external context around us. We, in the face of whatever reality surrounds us, can be with that reality without resistance and live as our chosen selves. Who we choose to be makes available what there is to do opens up the possibility of what we have.

So where is the cage?

We tend to go through life the complete opposite way around. We believe “Someday when I have ______, then I can do ________, and I will finally be ______.” It plays out all over our lives:

• Someday when I get that promotion
• Someday when I lose the weight
• Someday when I get a new car
• Someday when I have the right partner/lover/spouse
• Someday when I have the time
• Someday, someday, someday when…

It’s tempting, too, because sometimes someday comes and for a flickering moment we feel the thrill of attainment and believe we have arrived. Soon enough, though, our hedonic adaptation begins to kick in and what was once the shining city on the hill becomes yet another weigh station in pursuit of the next shot of someday when sugar high. We slip back to the levels of suffering, indifference, or anxiety we were experiencing before (if not worse) and once again find ourselves with no sense of control as the winds of the world use and toss us about like a carelessly discarded shopping bag. “Someday when” is indelibly stamped on so many of the bars of our collective cages.

How do we get free?

Take the case for a moment that life really works “I am _________. So, what’s available to do is _________, and __________ is the possible result.” It’s not magical law of attraction thinking, it’s simple logic and how our minds work. This framework doesn’t change reality, it changes who we are that shows up in it. As a lighthearted example, imagine I were to say to you “Someday when I win the lottery, then I am going to start buying lottery tickets, and I will be the kind of person who plays the lottery.” You might well laugh in my face as you confidently inform me “You must own a ticket to win it, fool! So, you must first choose to be a lottery player, buy your ticket, and then you can have a chance to win!” Isn’t that so?

Let’s take the argument to our lives. Contemplate for a moment your day to day life, your business life, your personal life. Where are your someday whens? See if any of these sound familiar:

• Someday when I make $XXX,XXX, then I can save a little aside, and I will finally be financially responsible.
• Someday when I lose this XX pounds, then I can join the dating world, and I will finally be ready to find the connection I crave.
• Someday when I get that promotion at work, then I can speak up for the changes I think that could help, and I will finally be a leader.

Sound familiar? If not, what thoughts have come to mind around your own someday whens? Pick one and hold it in your mind as you continue. As a coach, I have heard versions of these statements hundreds of times and am continually struck by how absolutely reasonable they sound. Much like we are wired for addiction to harmful substances such as sugar and nicotine, we seem to be wired to buy into the cold comfort someday when offers no matter how many times we have seen the satisfaction burn off as quickly as it comes.

Play along with me for a moment, and fully imagine that life could work instead as illustrated above. Instead of the process of life beginning with what we have, it now begins with who we choose to be. Logically, then, the driving force behind each present moment is the phrase “I am ________”.  Let’s explore this new construct using one of our examples from above.

• “Someday when I lose this XX pounds, then I can join the dating world, and I will finally be open to the love I crave.” -might become-
• I am open to love. So, what’s available to do is join the dating world, care for myself as though I am someone worth loving, eat in a way I can be proud of, and treat my body with the appreciation and care it deserves. Among other things, losing XX pounds is a possible result.

When considering logical arguments, I also like to look at counterexamples to see if the logic runs true. Using the same example as above, consider whether this checks out with a different chosen state of being:

• I am embittered about love. So, what’s available to do is spend my evenings watching Netflix eating cheese curls, pepper myself with abusive thoughts during each interaction with the mirror, and sooth my soul with retail therapy on Amazon. Among other things, dying too young and bitter is a possible result.

For me, the math checks out. Give it a try with your own someday when from earlier. Reflect on these questions for yourself?

• What is it you really want in that someday when trap? Who do you know you admire who has that you want? What words would you use to describe that person? Pick one of those words which resonates most with you as describing the type of person who gets the result you want.
• Using the word you just identified, declare out loud “I am _________”. You may feel silly, and trust me it’s important. Really embody the spirit of that word as your being in the present. You may find thoughts creeping into your mind arguing why you are not that, and that’s ok just let them go by. Be overtaken by the power and being of your chosen word.
• From this chosen state of being, begin to list what actions are available. What is available to do for a person who is _________ toward the result you want? Be rigorous in the inquiry. There is quite a distinct action set available for a person who is being “bold” versus one who is being “compassionate”. Keep listing as many actions as you can think of within the context of your chosen state of being.
• Select an action from your list you could take now or in the very immediate future embodying your chosen state of being. Imagine yourself taking it. What’s the best that could happen? What’s the worst that could happen? Is it worth it?

I have found this framework to be the very foundation for building a life of freedom, uncaging our limitless potential, finding deep peace and joy, and maximizing our positive impact in the world. I have consistently found the trap of someday when woven into the fabric of the challenges my clients have faced, and have seen the transformative impact of undoing each of those knots on their experience as a human being, and their impact on the world around them. It is a deceptively simple framework, and if you find yourself getting lost in the construction of it you are not alone. The implications run deep, there are many blind corners, and we are after all very complex beings.

In future articles from this series, we will dive more deeply into the implications for creating freedom in specific areas of life such as work, love, finance, family, and more.

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